In addition to my academic work and the individual psychoanalytic psychotherapy I also provide couples therapy.
Just like the individual psychotherapy I provide the couples work I engage in is very particular, it works very well for some (but not all!) couples.
The work I do is centered around the idea that all relationships have a sort of unconscious process that is playing out in unexpected ways within the relationship. The work I do with couples aims to help uncover this heretofore unconscious process and render it more conscious.
To do this both parts of the couple must be willing to be implicated in what they are unconsciously enjoying, which is not an easy thing.
Here are some examples of things I’ve implicated the people I do couples work in:
- Enjoying being a victim.
- Enjoying being a bully and/or doing whatever is necessary to get their own way.
- Enjoying hurting their partner (making him/her feel shame or guilt as much as possible).
- Doing therapy so they can say “I’ve done everything I can to save this relationship” when they have no desire to actually save the relationship.
- Using children to manipulate their partner.
The list could go on, but I hope by this point you will see that my style is not one people should undertake if they don’t want to do the difficult work of really getting to the bottom of what is creating tension between them.
I also want to clearly state that the work I do might improve your relationship, but it may also expedite a process of breaking up.
My goal is not to save anyone’s relationship, nor is it to end anyone’s relationship.
My goal is to help couples see the truth of their unconscious desires, and the ways these unconscious desires are playing out within their relationship.
I do this because I believe this will help couples make the best choice for themselves, each other, and their families.