I woke up today before my alarm started to tell me that it was time to wake up, and I knew that something what is up with me today, something seemed off… The feeling that something was wrong grew as I got ready to leave my house and go to work.
When I wake up feeling like this I know that I will have to be extra careful as I go through my day, because if I’m not chances are that I’ll end up doing something foolish. In fact, I’m writing down that I have to be careful right now to re-enforce that idea in my own mind.
The last time that I woke up feeling this way I snapped on someone who I should not have snapped on. I was lucky because I quickly realized my mistake, and made an apology which was accepted. If I’m not extra careful today I might not be lucky again.
My plan for now is to make sure that I can find something, a idea, or something I can repeat to myself, a mantra, whatever, that I can use to anchor myself if the day starts to take a turn for the worse.
I’m out of time for now.
It’s later in the day now, and I can head home from work. I made it through the entire day with out snapping, which I think is a good thing, because there were several times today when I really felt very close to snapping. So on that front I have a victory.
However, the level of anxiety that I have been feeling through the day has not diminished. It has not really increased either.
I’ve always seen anxiety (and anger) as secondary emotions that stem one of three primary emotions.
1. Fear — A feeling of being threatened in some way.
2. Hurt — A feeling of being wronged, taken advantage of, abused, etc.
3. Lack of control (or) out of control — A feeling of having lost control over events that are taking place in the life that your living. This is the “ship with out a rudder in the storm” sort of feeling.
In my case I think the anxiety is coming from a combination of fear and lack of control…
And again I’m out of time for now.
-N
on May 25th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Hi Neil,
I think that you have a very good chance of controling your emotions, because you accept that you have them. I experience the very same thing often, mine are due to PTSD. Something will trigger a cascade of negitive emotions and my day or night will be on the verge of ruin. If it’s really intense, I have meds. Most of the time I sense that “feeling” I will focus on a empty wooden bowl (in my mind) and then imagine the bowl being filled with water. I let the sound of water calm me. You would be suprised how fast this works. A simple wooden bowl and water.