Internalized Relationships (Column 002)

Last week I wrote about the term “trust agent” which is the topic of a book that Chris Brogan and Julien Smith are writing, which will be published by Wiley.  This week I want to continue writing (just thinking in text) about that topic, not only because I personally find it fascinating, but because it is something that is very important for everyone on the web. 

Today I want to attempt to gie a better impression of how a trust agent internalizes his or her relationships with individual people, and their relationships with communities or networks of people.

~Carl Rodgers & Internalizing A Relationship~

I want to start by sort of sussing out what I mean when I use the term / concept “internalized relationship”.  I first encountered this concept as I was getting my Masters in Social Work at Aurora University, in a class called “Human Behavior in the Social Environment” or HBSE for short, when we were talking about Carl Rodgers ideas on client centered thearpy (also called person centered thearpy, or Rogerian therapy). 

What I saw as the main part of Client centered therapy is the idea that the relationship that the therpaist has with the client can be the strongest agent of change in the client’s life.  In other words a therpist can change / help a client by having a good relationship with them.  Some people in the field of Social Work even believe that a creating a good relationship with your client (which can be difficult if that relationship has been forced on the client by some outside agency, like DCFS or the court system) is the SINGLE BEST way to help them make substantial positive changes in their lives. 

Q: Why is this idea so powerful?  Why do people see a relationship as a better agent of change than other things like medication? 

A: Because relationship can be internalized, they can become a part of the way that a human being internal thinking patters, in internal dialogues.  Medications are external agents of change.  If the client does not receive his or her medication they do not receive its benefits. 

(Please note: I’m not trying to slam medication here, or suggest that people should not take meds if they need to.  Meds can help people.  Meds to help a ton of people.  However, they are not the ONLY way to help people.) 

All human relationsips exist in our minds in the form of ideas (or sets of ideas).  We know that the relationship exists even if the person who makes up the other part of the relationship is not in front of us.  For example: I have an idea of the relationship that I have with Julien Smith, even though I’m in currently in Chicago, and he is currently in Boston. 

The relationshp that I have with Julien affects the decisions I make, and the ways in which I act.  For example: writing this post will have an effect on my relationship with Julien.  I know that.  I respect Julien and his idea of “trust agents” and thus desire this writing to have a positive effect my relationship with him, and that desire is informing what I’m writing.

Another example, from the other end of the spectrum, might be somone writing a negative blog post attempting to discredit the ideas of a person they disliked. 

My relationship with Julien is a complex thing, and the way that I talk about Julien and his ideas affect that relationship. 

My relationship with a medication is a simple thing, and the way that I talk about that medication does not affect my relationship with it…. I can say that the medication is great, or that I hate it, but the effect of the medication will remain the same regardless.

~How A Trust Agent Internalizes Relationships with People & Communities~

The way that I understand the role of a trust agent, I assume that he or she will need to (and be able to) internalize a great deal of different relationships with both individual people, and both large and small scale communities / networks.  Because of this internalization of relationships the trust agent consistantely takes actions that other perceive as good, helpful, beneficial, and will help further his or her internalized relationships in a positive way.  This effectively gives the agent more trust to work with…

For example: A trust agent will do something simple, such as link to another person on the web, and talk them up.  This helps the person who is being linked to, and that person is now more likely to…

• Give trust (social currency) to the trust agent.
• Link back to the trust agent at some future date.
• Be encouraged to create more content for the trust agent, and the internet in general to link to.

If I’m correct and the things I listed above are correct, than the person who was linked to, the trust agent, and the group of people who share social connections to the trust agent (the trust agent’s community / network) are all enriched in some way(s) as a result of the trust agents actions. 

I would also arguee that a trust agent works with the best interests of his or her internalized relationships even when that requires taking actions that are difficult.  For example: being honest about something, even when doing so requires the trust agent to go against the stream of conventional thoughts and behaviors.  I don’t think that taking these difficult steps would be possible if not for the high degree of internalized relationships a trust agent would have cultivated. 

This is a very important thing for everyone on the web to spend time thinking about, because we deal in social currency more on the web than in any other place that I can think of.  (Please feel free to disagree with me on that.)  I say this because the web is a communication tool, but the people we trust are the biggest influence on how we use this tool. 

I want people to really start to become aware of who the trust agents in their own lives are, and to also think about if they are trust agents in the lives of others. 

I’m sure that on some level that most people allready understand, and perhaps even accept the notion that there are very powerful trust agents that exist in their ditigal lives.  But I want people to *really think* about it.  I want people to take the thoughts and places them fully in to their conscience brains, really grok them, and then talk about them.

The better we understand how the social web works, the better we will be at using it as a tool to better our lives, and the lives of the nodes (people) that make up the network (community).   

-N